test and trials pt1

We need to stop getting God Twisted, yes i  said it . i think that some of us have the biggest misconception concerning God and dont see the intricate design of his plan.

i have a large feeling that somebody is going to get mad at me.

 But look at it this way if you are reading this , did you ever think that maybe, just maybe instead of being ,mad at what you are reading that you were destined at that moment to read it , what you have read in order to touch your heart. and im not saying that i am the voice of God. i am far from that ,im saying God uses us all and if he meant for you to get something, he will strike that chord.

so if you dont mind ,i say that we get into the deepest depths off rip and come on up. lets discuss somethings that we all have dealt with and if you say that you havent you are stone cold lying. im talking about test and trials 

test and trials , well the common answer is  something that comes along in your life to make you strong and is a faith builder. but way to often we get sucked in to the belief that when test and trials comes its a automatic defeat. and there is no use in trying. 

this is where the i need to knock this thought out, cause im gonna get deep. 

we must realize that God has this all planned out he knows what you going to do before you do it . So when we see those big and bad trials, we must  use them for exactly what they were intended for, to build and be stronger.But too often we dont have the desire to press, we lack the faith and the knowledge of His promise , so we sit in despair feeling a sorry for ourselves when we should be having a increase. He is enstilling in us the things we need to be better ,richer in his word and life. we should look at it as a blessing because He saw that i need to be better and He loves me enough to make me better. He is giving something more valuable then anything you can imagine but yet we cry on pay day. we wallow instead of rejoicing in knowing that he is making more of the person He wanted me to be. which is something you can never imagine.

Ok im just gonna go for it, in the Black Community. We are just not living up to privilege .we are not living up to full potential.and there is this magical seperation of what He says and what we do. and we get this boldness in us to truly in our hearts believe that whatever we make acceptable to God is what he accepts. We conform ourselves to the world and then conform those practices to the word. Now what can simply be solved with communication a dialogue. it Is ignored because our form of Worship has so much of us .pride and me, me, me in it .im not saying that we all our like this because that is false. im talking to those that perplex themselves and dont even know.

think ON that and be ready for part 2 

im getting into how God works in our life : maybe thru the wages of sin?

our audacity of a lukewarm spirit

STAY TUNED

im sleep

im going to bedd but in the morning notice the time but in the morning i got you

artbox up

be patient

ill be back tonite , with something for your itching eyes dont fret lol

i woke up in ........

today i woke up in love.. Seriously i did... its the weirdest thing i really did.Didn't realize it till about a couple minutes ago cuz im sitting here thinking of a girl in my dream that i had last nite.i didn't have her, like that i mean she is in the dream i had last night but i was in love ,i felt all crazy inside. one for the fact since the girl was in my dream she was a figment of my imagine with no possibility of being with and feeling as strongly as i did and secondly im sitting here thinking bout her. now aint that crazy. it was a kinda awkward. we stayed up all night and talked on phone even though we were in the same house expressing our love for each other. as i walk around her house that kinda resemble my grandma house if it was a mansion. and i was looking for my room and there were people sleeping everywhere .ummmmmmm weird how the cross over of emotions can happen. to manifest something in our dreams and bring them to life. love,comfort,stability,being horriblybeautiful

Walk with me Dummy

walk with me if you would down a road, a road of fairy tale and ridiculous nature . to a place where some questions i ask and im not even sure why,but im going to asking you for your response so, to the 2.3 people that tune into horriblybeautiful i ask. how do you think the world would be, if ailment of the pcyshe were transmittable. i know your saying whatttt???? let me put  it this way, what if stupidity was a STD? lol that just sound crazy. yes i said it how do you think this world would be?
Ok i say here are the parameters(hehe i love that word) if you have any variables to be worked in(im talking to your tangible-knowledge) ok sickness, the common cold, the flu, and what not,STD's, im really not sure bout the major things like cancers and disease of the lungs and what have you. that might just be a tad much but the things that were able to be contracted would be here's the list:

common colds

flu

stomach virus

STD's (excluding HIV & AIDS)

Stupidity

ditzyness

blond moments

type of palsy

mental diabilities...if you wanna add or subtract imm just tryna make good convo.
Now we are ready to start look at our world as it is right .now but we subtract the majors such a terminal illnesswhich takes a big pressure of the world all the hurt and pain that are amassed by the families that have been affected, but say you are walking around one day and you catch the stupid's  can't do your process right, thinking capabilities are effected. Sentences structure is outrageous and you are just a stupid mess. now of course just some of these ailments would not have cures butwould run there course.being ditzy would stay a couple days if you had some type of vitamin issue or immune one. you might be ditzy for a month who knows. it would all be dependent on the persons.
imagine the effect on the people such as the youth imagine you could catch "the clap" and cerbal palsy in same sexual encounter and by no means am i saying you'd have sex with somebody with palsy .it would be able to lie dominant and be passed .im not sick.  just imagine life would be live totally different.
i would see the world in a totally different light imagine how the love and understanding and sensitivity for a fellow mans  ailment would change how we view the handicap, or the blondes. because the different experience would be lived through the eyes of the judgers. having to walk with a assistance or inability to function properly. Now im sure the evil geniuses of the world would construct super strains and biological warfare and tactics to (excuse my lack for a better word) cripple there enemies.  we are for the most part always on the outside looking in not knowing another persons pain or struggle but as you have to take your chances and be exposed to with down syndrome as you woke up in the morning .it would put alot of things in order.acceptance would be greater but it would also take a  kinder people not to take advantage if the those of a temporary effected. a more loving world family noww that thought is horriblybeautiful

Dreams?

dreams are one part vision and one part manifestion of  hearts desire

love is being passionate fearless

am i wrong to love dreams?

dreamers, dream and lovers love 

am i wrong to dream of love?

lovers dream and dreamers love

am i naive enough to be both?

UNA

my newest post is "the una" its under " love awww"..... just wanted to tell you cuz my blog says otherwise lol

Wishes and Whatnot

DO YOU WISH YOU NEVER MET ME ?

that is a question asked many a times to people in many dialects and diverse languages around this world. You either are on the speaker or recipient but in all what is trying to be figured out when these words are spoken? Are you trying to gauge how much sorrow or pain or strife you have inflicted upon a persons life or does it just sound like a good thing to ask ?Are we ackonowledging the fact that yes ,you truly loathe the day of meeting and if i could take back time u would not be where you are when i got here, but i seriously doubt that when it comes down to that many people say yes and then subtract the person form there lives because you must be engaged in conversation at least to a calm degree for a statment just as this to arise. Now the statement of the proclamation of " i wish i never met you" i see more applicable to life is to show your de-testment for a situation and or person. 

But for me this question is test, and even with its harshness something you must be delicate with. Because Anger also sources stupidity,  and you might have to take a second and think about it. Wow if you had to go through what i had to go through by the hands of yourself , would you still be here? which is a major task of self evaluation but for the asker, but i ultimately your answer effects you relationship with this person. 

the way i see it, if when ive gone thru the pondering of how i truly feeling about this person. Do i love them like i say i do, or was i just speaking sweet thoughts just to hear myself talk? or was i really trying to move a ill-movable heart in desperate hope that they would find it in their heart to find me there, not caring the about outcome knowing my heart was on the line but knowing what i was betting on was a lot more valuable then heartbreak. I also look at the person what have we taught each other, what have we learned about each other have you found yourself in someone and them in you? but in it all have made something impossible for any other to create. a friendship and relationship all to be negated by that wish. But what is wish came true as we spoke them into existence? its would be a hinderance to growth of us all not being able to learn for times before ultimately leaving us all the same unchanged but yet naive which is worse than bitter. 

you never know what is in store for us all stories are still being rolled out in front of us everyday, being directed as we should go, just because im not where i want to be now doesn't mean i will not be tomorrow and how do i look as i look in her eyes and have to tell her i lost all faith and love for you, are growth and  relationship has made me ponder all options but being here with you right now, my poems are nothing now but wisps of air in the night, i once cringed at your touch, and i cringed at our existence as friends or whatnot, but now that we are together i take those back because im getting my way and i need you more than ever, i love you sweetheart even though a day ago i wish i never met you...

so my answer is NO i  cherish it all, the good, the bad, the ugly, all we have and what is yet to come it makes for a horriblybeautiful ending

me likey, lol man thats horriblybeautiful

the una

Either cupid has his foot stuck where the sun dont shine or im just a different type of person.  Im on this kick of love and what not, so why not go into the realm that is oh so hard for some and oh so easy for others, "the one."  

If you are not sure what I'm talking about that  i talking about that one person that ultimately is the missing piece to the puzzle. Now, im talking from a perspective that im not really going to goto in to cuz its complexcity makes my head spin but in all the sitiuations that i have been in ,i have come up with a conclusion  kinda of a way to figure this out, its a science but the crazy part is that the textbook is written by the hearts of whoever is the formula. 

There are those, whose say out of all the people in the world your tryna to tell me that there is one, one person that can complete me? and im going to say yes, why not, why count out all the reasons for there to be a one person than to build a wall up that is so high that no one can anything to get around it and you are just missing out on your happiness. i mean we all live so many different lives it soon beecomes this muck that is impossible to see through, i say a couple decades ago finding your souls mate or your una was a little easier ,there was not many  fences up around people to shield us out, and the roles of the male and female were stronger than before, not saying that women belong barefoot in the kitchen, but chilvary was still alive and well and to be a gentleman was a task and to be lady was a job and when you both found the commonality and love for one another the bliss that ensued was magical. walks in the parks were not cliche or a seranade was not uncommon  a accurance, but now do to the narrcissitic nature of the culture. Where a man wants to prettier than girlfriend or more fierce than her, man we a losing out on a great gift, 

im going to address my gender right quick, you may say alli "where you nutz at son "talking like this ?"i could care what you say because you being so closed minded in the first place got us here. ok so there are some main things in my mind that are being a hindereance in the process of finding that beloved women of your one, the truth, if we all could just be truthful in manys situations, this world would be much better , be honest to anyone and everyone you meet just because to think its ok to be fake cuz the world is doesnt make it ok. being honest with one self in all things and dealing with you problems before bestowed them on your mate and saying its there fault, accountabilty , have it. treat women as you would want somebody to treat your daughter or mother, 

Respect is a key issue as well ,im sorry for jumping around you just gotta keep up, as God put us on this planet he left males in charge so if you wanna know why alot of things in realtionships are messed up is because either you or another male have not acted appropriately, we love living by these double standards that we can do anything and they can do nothing, we've even tricked ourselves into feeling that we have the  right to anger.Tto be angry when this happens, thats just dumb even though youve been doing the same things..... hold plz cuz i feel if i just keep talking we are going to end in circles and thats a waste of time so here's a list

i will add to it but of the top of my head here are somethings that will make it easier

Things to discard: double standards, dishonesty,disrespect,not having compassion

if u lose those things in your relatioships you'll see a change(note there are more)

Things to GAIN: TRUST,COMMUNATCATION,LOVE,RESPECT,HONESTY,A HUMBLE NATURE TOWARDS YOUR MATE.

WE MUST LEARN TO BE HUMBLE TO ONE ANOTHER,NOT  PUSHOVERS BUT IF WE RESPECTFUL HAVE A CONCENSUS Amongest each other .

Females i will say males must take a major part of the blame being as thought were are to be the leaders in the household and when we lead with bad example after bad example. i mean why wouldnt i expect that you guys to pick up some kind of baggage from that?

As women yall have to be resistant to the bull that is out there, have a standard. but do not think you are better than any man, because you find your one real quick, when you looking at yourself every morning, as strong as ya'll are as mother and leaders of households due to "man". Please don't adapt the  ways of your counter part, someone once told me if someone is treating you wrong dont change who you are let them be wrong. im not saying get abused or nothing bout dont allow the insecurity and low self esteem of someone dictate how your are viewed. 

Take pride in your honesty and loyalty, cuz some of us get counted out off of this simple question have your ever cheated on someone b4? and not much what this say you, whole heartly trust them after that... just at thought.

marinate and proceed

and we are finally here what you all have been waiting on, the main reason why you have read through all this.....

here we go when you find "the one" you will just know......

everybody is not the same ,in any capacity, man that just sounds confusing ok.I look at the one like this and im talking from my eye and mine only. im glad your here to read this hopefully you might catch something that you see in someone thats yours.She is the person that true indeed completes me in all facets, i am her compleiment and she is mine, in all that i lack she makes up for, im strong to the lead her but im humble enough to recieve to her help, to have in unquestionable trust like none other on this planet, to know each other inside and out, nothing is secret or hidden. We must know the deepest darkest fear from within each and do what ever is possible  to keep it from reality and if it does show to the light of day her first step is tandem with mine to face it, to read my heart at glance, melt me with a smile and doing what ever to hear her laugh till she cant talk cuz oddly enough its one of the things that is almost as beautiful as she is, her enery energizes me ,  making everyday feel like the first day we decided to be, she tip toes in and out of my day, lite as a feathers touch in memories sight, beside these the true explaination of our affections are unexplainable but all the more reason why i love her and why she love me, a compatablity the revials manucfactered pairs and from regeneration  material we converse upon makes our toungues tired and our body languages weak from utterance. 

well how do you find her?

 since she is my one true love our magentism through God is drawing her to me and to me to her, ever so subtly and we become 1 in God's eyes. We are the love story that God has authored, with each pen stroke forms a picture from his words, LOVE,a simple picture is illustrated a simple triangle with him at the top guiding procession and with her and i on a opposing ends but connected still on the same wave length, the only Love triangle suitable for happiness, the only Love triangle acceptable in his eyes. in total surrender.

Im not saying that days well always be perfect, and troubles can't surface, and you might say where is this love that you are speaking of. it is if i allow it to be, if i love her this much and we are not even together imagine when we'll be, IF you feel like love can never feel this way then it wont, if you are loving the mudane where thats where youll stay. but if God put this together what shall we be afraid of? why we should concern ourselves with the reason of why of Love cant be like this it not only a waste of time but a waste of love... thats something horriblybeautiful

LOVE awwwwwww......

I have been thinking bout love lately. Wow, that may be a tad surprising as my first actual post. A 24 yr old blk male talking about love. I'm not here to bash it, i just want to talk about it. Its crazy to me how love has become one of the most overused and under-appreciated feelings in culture. Once revered as the emotion of supremacy between family,friends and lovers love has in some ways just become a way to end a conversation. I'm not saying that true love doesn't exist because it does, I'm just saying that i wish people would truly cherish an irreplaceable emotion such as it. Nothing speaks like it, nothing touches like it, nothing can be compared to it, but it has been trodden down to levels of instant gratification and fade. I personally don't know the situation of every man, women, child on this planet or every circumstance but i guess some people are not as smart as they look or being shallow is the new "IN" thing and I'm just not cool anymore.

Love is an unconditional condition not to be broken apart by hearsay and your ability to believe in your insecurities more than you believe in me.

It shouldn't be the tainted line i slide to you to make us become one, only for a night

or an excuse for the abuse you cause.

A lot of us are being verbally abused and we don't even know it !!!! Because when it comes down to it all their words are, are hallow calls from the vastness of nothingness, leading me to assumption but never getting to the desired destination of love. We have been desensitized to a gift.

I understand, you know some of us haven't been taught love, it is something that we had to learn about on our own, maybe you grew up and emotions were not something that came around your house often, or it was a weakness or you fearful of it because you've seen what hallow calls can do to a person. Like i said i understand but if you open your pupils to see past it all, break it down step by step, what do u have when its dissected? love? or a lovely lie?

Things are so much more enjoyable if you read the box, i mean if the directions are followed not to a "t" but within the parameters ,every true love is unique and special in the eyes of its recipients. We must stand against love and adoration being taught through a TV screen cuz if that's the case you've just read my blog and I'm madly and deeply in love with you....

Man that's horriblybeautiful

az

LIFT OFF

WELCOME TO THE LAUNCH OF HORRIBLY BEAUTIFUL

IM HERE,IF YOUR READING THIS YOUR HERE, SO IM JUST GOING TO BEGIN,

LIKE EVERYBODY IM DISCUSSING MY LIFE, UNLIKE EVERYBODY ELSE ,THAT THEY DONT SEE IT LIKE ME. IT MIGHT JUST BE A WORD, A PARAGRAPH OR A POEM BUT PIECE BY PIECE IT COMES TOGETHER TO FORM ME

CHECK BACK WITH ME 

ALLI Z