speechless

he loves her more than he did the first time it parted his lips.he waits impatiently as school children for their next encounter, she is short and sweet but all to fulfill his big heart. scrunched noses make her adorable beyond belief. when he looks into eyes its like trying to win a staring contest with the stars, he wants to hold and love her for every second there is grains of sand. to hear her whispers in the shadows and caress her hands ,he apologizes for not kissing her then but perfection his sweetheart will happen again ,his cautiousness why? he thought he lost her once and and he wants never to feel that again. speechless

the subway

do you hear me? floats upon dust particles,dances among O2 and meanders,muttled in a crowded subway car through the city, his palms at chest height flashed pointing towards the interiors upward limitations.

 

He mouths the words again slower knowing there is no need for sound due to the conditions of the car.Do----- you----hear-----me? She smiles and nods but only as a testament to acknowledge that he was speaking to her but not for what he said . he utters again now this time with accompaniment of his finger  he points to her then his ear and to himself. 

still nothing. he smiles all the while ,head down cuz he choose these seating arrangments, he figured he would sit and stare upon her splendor telling her his sentitment towards her as the world flew past plastic windows. and as the sun raced the metallic transport is love for her deepened with each passing breath and light flicker .

 he withdraws a marker from his pocket and draws a heart around the suns aura on the plexiglass canvas, he then beckons her eyes to gaze upon handles the dangle the ceiling, the doors and the gestures her to listen motion of the trackz where the wheels and rails make contact.  gliding across the aisle his smile pays the toll to enter her personal space ,he lightly  pronounces his world to her.

 the delicate nature of your love burns fiery within me i am transparent to your vison you see thru me directlying to my heart and its simplicity on the notions of my love for you. you hand is the handle i care less who has held it before but i hold on to it steadfastly when life speeding and the ground is moving without me. we will sway but not sucumb to gravity. as for the doors we are enclosed in each other, people can look thru the windows of this beautiful situation but long to be indoor to endure it. and the shallow thud permeates the floors and the light rock with each passing inch. this is my heart beat as you walk into a room, or enter a thought, or smile to express how i made you feel and in turn i feel weightless. the motion associated is how my heart feels as it pounds against my sternum  try to caress yours. similar to how are skin does when we hug so deeply with you palm on the nape of my neck and u inhale my essence and i melt into you as your tiny frame is pressed perfectly into mine . we breathe simultaneously  thinking the same thoughts of the future. and we smile in this subway car made for two. 

hands interlocked they sit in a silence that roars louder then the bustling city below with  heads leaned against shoulders and eyes focused on their grip they have become the only two people in this crowded scene.

by alli ztra 

horrriblybeautiful

i robot

have you ever noticed how dependent on technology we are its ridiculous forreal, it is a invisible crutch that we al hold. Dont get all "i dont know what alli talkin bout today he trippin". Man how many of us cant do simple math in our heads cuz its easier to do it on a calculator. you ever been to a fast food place and the drawer isnt counting the change you will see supreme perplexing looks as the cashier is trying to get your change back. or you ever by chance just left you phone in the house and had to make a call so u when to a pay phone but oh no i cant remember the number cuz its in your phone and not your head. man i have the funniest one i saw a man in the bathroom waving his hands under the sink waiting for the water to come on and when i lifted my handle to wash mean he looked and i think he was to embarrassed to turn his on so he walked out. dirty handed and all. we must condition ourselves to keep our brains active and remembering cuz we cant leave it all up to them or we are screwed forreal , so keep a notepad, do some math.homework and practice turning n faucets at home. i guess next time your gonna want something to think for u nope not me that would be too horriblybeautiful

Fight or Flight :the tattoo monologues pt1

Tattoos tell a story to each person that has one. either the tattoo itself or just the whole process is something memorable with its effects there day after day never to cease. with me the ones that i own hold special meaning unlike some people( i apologize  if that's  you ) they tell important info about my life. i struggle that i had to overcome or just how people effect my living. in this series of writing i will go over my tattoos and talk about the symbolism behind them . 

one mans trial is a another mans inspiration.

Fight or Flight

see i had this girlfriend in high school ,she was my 1st love . you know the whole story your first everything , this, this and that. we met 11 grade and we were each others 1st serious relationship. and we had come to our first truly big test. and also a testament to my naive stupidity. College,i have received a scholarship to play football in Michigan, and she got into a school in North Carolina. now with my since of perfect love and trust and respect i love this girl fiercely, things were fine and great we talked on the phone ,wrote letters, i would go see her more then i would go see my own mother at any chance i got. i was with her. even before the whole process of me having to figure out if i was going to Michigan in the first place. i was sick, trying to find a way to be close to her. i figured whats so big about a scholarship and looked for other options anything to save my love. but to no avail i like relationship i had to be commented to my obligations . and through it all i had my up and downs  even still hung in there, same with football i wasn't the die hard football player as most see with my size and ability tell you the truth i never really play or watched football until the 11 grade but my ability to take instruction and my ability to take coaching and the Ford never quit attitude even when i was on the verve of it, i pushed on. it finally sank in on conversation i had with my father that what i was doing was not about now but was to have vision for later. for me to give up on myself was unacceptable, and if i don't push and just accept my defeat but i just went through the motions i would be wasting time of myself and those around me. and also the whole conversation when i talked to my girlfriend and she told me she cheated on me 3 months after we had been in school, and but that's in the book I'm writing so. when i looked at all i went through my struggle with being far from home, no family, no friends and missing my girlfriend and having to deal with football in a way i never had before. to wake up every morning and push even when i didn't want to. the losing streaks , the cheating partner and yelling coaches . i looked at the whole experience that without coming here i would have not grown and i would stayed the same. i would have been satisfied with a mediocre existence and now I'm more open to life then i ever would have thought. and i wanted to encompass all my ideals on this situation through art and simply this option to.

 Fight or Flight

test and trials pt2

well its kinda hard to explain this next part. i just hope yall follow me as close as possible. because if you follow then you'll understand what im trying to saying and then therefore you cant get as mad...

 ok in the black community where christianity thrives we often come across many types of people, its sort of tradition to generally have a reverence for the Lord. its engrained in the spirit of us ,this slight touch ,that small contact that many experience, there own little piece of Jesus. But in most forms he is not properly groomed and with out the proper intro many are claiming to be found when indeed they are still lost. There in lies the rub. Now like its been said before God is a intricate God a loving,merciful,kind God with the Desire for all his children to be saved thus him dying for all mankind sins. he didnt pick and choose when he was on the cross, he covered us all.  we must also look at the fact that God already knows it from the beginning and end. Even with his desire for us to be saved.  he still gave us the free will and the opportunity to work outside of his will, the results are on you but he gave us that choice. a thought about God that is needed to be  taken into account . We all have purpose upon this planet some greater than others and continue to know that purpose is not something you find at the end of life but purpose arises everyday, with every breathe some of it may not seem  relevant but even that smaller interactions are part of the great timing of God. You see it when God may show you how if you would have been somewhere just a few seconds earlier it would be the end or it i didnt leave when i did that could have been me.

I say all of that to get to this point ,

i think death in the community that is the result of violence,stupidity,and utter ignorance is taken in the wrong context by many who its surrounds. In terms that if you look sin so intertwined into the fabric of the black community its hard to distinguish it for what is wrong and regular tradition. i understand we have had to adapt to certain things but in turn we have made the transforming factor worst than the initial issue.  

God is can make a way, out of no way ,correct? so it would not seem unorthodox for him to use something as powerful as death to open the eyes of the "blind". He's done it once and as example he continues to use this universal process to try and show man the errors of their ways and to re evaluate life. he shows two simple dialogue in there plainest form

first, the wages of sin death and second you reap what you sow. Man its getting deeper,

there are some that believe they have the world figured out better than the one who gave creation. they live this life. in which im sure that God give us all a chance to be saved, the opportunity is waived and the ultimate wage is achieved now the reaping of their sowing . Now God knowing this and those that this person was surrounded by, he may use this instance to bring a closer relationship to them. because many times it is needed for a man to be brought to his lowest before he can be built back up. 

be patient there still more but ive been up all night so stay tuned